


Wrong Number

by Pai61



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Drunk Texting, M/M, SnowBaz, Teen Romance, Texting, bjahbhbdifiahbergjargfjafjjdf, do u?, i love snowbaz, serious question, so. many. tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 17:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18428597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pai61/pseuds/Pai61
Summary: Simon is super drunk and texts the wrong number, Baz is a sneaky bitch, and this is a wrong number fic with all the typos I could possibly muster without having an aneurysm.BTW: I do not own any of the listed characters, they all belong to the best and brightest of them all, Rainbow Rowell, and I am making no prifit off this fic. I do not intend to infringe upon copyright.





	Wrong Number

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BasilAndSnow61](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasilAndSnow61/gifts).



> Sorry for any non-intentional notes I made. Also, when Baz makes a typo it means he is either serious or depressed. Just a heads up.

**I9P! I need helpppp........**

_I’m sorry. You must have the wrong number._

**O crap u rite sry**

_Your grammar and spelling are atrocious. Just thought you should be informed of this fact, since you seem to not realize it. And I can’t believe you wouldn’t care._

**Ouch, y r u so meeaan**

_Nevermind I guess, since you seem not to heed my advice._

**U tectx like my poshh roomatte tedxts**

_Are you drunk right now?_

**noooooooooo**

**maybee**

**tohtally**

_Oh dear lord above. Hold on, give me your location._

**(location sent)**

_Don’t move you bloody idiot._

...

**Thaaanks stranger, for saving me! ;) you’re my hero**

_Why are you still texting me? Me coming to pick up your sorry ass was common courtesy. Stop talking to me._

**But I have to repay my debt! I can’t even remember ur face, or ur gender. Pls tell me your name!!! u know mine since u wrote that kind note...**

**(sends picture of note saying, “you are such a bloody nuisance Snow”)**

_You wouldn’t shut up about introductions. The bouncers at the bar thought I was kidnapping you._

**Well I imagine ur cold, evil stare scared them away right?**

_I thought you couldn’t remember me._

**Shots in the dark, pls tell me what to call u. ‘My asshole saviour’ is too long!**

_My name is even longer, Snow._

**A hint!**

_You are so desperate._

**PLEASE STRANGER I BEG OF YOU!!!**

(3 hours later)

_Ty_

...

**YES! TY HAS BOWED DOWN TO SIMON SNOW FINALLY**

**HE HAS RELENTED** **  
** **Penny would KILLLL me if she found out, she is all bout stranger danger**

_Girlfriend?_

**Ewwww no best friend**

**Y ;) u interested**

_No, the only image I have of you is you vomiting all over my six hundred dollar shoes._

**O shit im sorry, ill pay to clean them**

_Like you would have the money_

**That was just cruel. Do u always go for the lowest blow?**

( _I’m sorry, Simon.)_ message deleted

...

**Good MORNING ASSHOLE**

**HELLOOOOO**

**Ty**

**Ty**

**Ty**

**Ty**

**Tyyyyyyyyy waaaakkkke uuuppppppp**

**It’s fourr in the monring an i am soooohhh drukn**

_How drunk are you?_

**Im no as think as you drunk i am**

_Oh dear, what now, Snow?_

**Agggie broke upp wittht me? And i cant**

**I cant**

_You can’t?_

**She’s my destinny**

**We were supposedd to be enndgame.**

_Did you love her?_

**I**

**I dont know anymorre**

**I just wish my roommateee would stop treatinggg me like shiiit and stteallign herr**

_What if he isn’t trying to steal her?_

**He’’s an evil vapmire, of cuorse he is plottign alll the time**

_Maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt._

**He pushde me downn the stairss and tried too killk me so manny timess**

_What a tosser then, I guess._

**Yeah**

_Go to bed, Snow._

_(I love you)_ message deleted

...

**Thx for talking to me last night**

_Morning. It was four in the fucking morning._

**Jeez sorry I knew the nicities wouldn’t last.**

**Just like my posh idiot roomate**

_I see your spelling is /still/ repulsing._

**Ehshdjksnjauhfinfkdjf eat shit**

_I would rather not, seeing as your spelling is it._

**Penny glared at me for growling at you in the library.**

_So flattered to attain such a magnificent reaction._

**Look, Ty. My life is filled with assholes and monsters all ready, I don’t need another one. Can we just, be civil?**

_(I wish I could be  in real life, simon.)_ message deleted

_Fine._

_Truce._

...

**TYYYYY we should face time!**

_Is this to make sure I’m not an eighty year old grandma pedophile?_

**Ur quick. But yeah, penny wants to see whether or not ur trustworthy. She thinks ur gonna kill me**

_I still might, you could be blinded by my fantastic good looks ;)_

**Did the great Ty just... /flirt/.... With me?**

_Sarcasm passes right over your head._

**Ill let u kno i have awesome reflexes**

_Oh dear._

**;)**

...

Si, are you positive this ‘Ty’ is trustworthy?

**Oc penny. I think he is a mage too, he didn’t ask about vampires, or monsters**

Then he goes to Watford! He does use british slang. Ask him!

**Jesus penny, calm**

...

**Do you go to Watford by any chance?**

_Yes._

...

**He does go.**

Ask Baz if he knows who Ty is, I couldn’t find anyone who goes by that name.

**Why?**

Well, obviously, he must have seen Ty if he let him into Mummers to drop you off while you were drunk.

I’m still mad at you about that by the way.

**Sorry p**

**Thats a good idea**

**brb**

...

“Hey, Baz,” Simon asks looking up from his phone at Baz’s figure currently reading a textbook.

“What now, Snow. Asking for help? Accusing me of plotting? Sorry to say I am trying to actually study, unlike you, who has seven years worth of awful spellwork to prove my point!” Baz snarls.

Simon just blinks and leaves his mouth hanging open.

“I... I, I just wanted to know if anyone came by last week to drop me off, I may or may not have been drunk,” Simon asks with a low growl, his hands balling up into fists.

“No, I didn’t see anyone,” Baz sneers and slams his book shut, leaving the room with a loud whack. Simon pulls at his hair and lets his head fall back against his wall. He looks down at his phone. His messages with Ty start blurring as he lets hot tears fall. Ty doesn’t want to be found, and Baz won’t even ease up a little to help him. He shouldn’t have believed if he could soften Ty that he could do the same with Baz.

...

_Simon? Are you okay?_

**Why would you care.**

_?_

**Baz is being a dick to me, Aggie is ignoring me, and Penny has ditched me to figure out ur identity.**

_Trust me, Simon. You don’t want to know me._

**But that is thw thing! I do!**

_No. You don’t._

_(you could never love me)_ message deleted

 **(But i want to know you)** message deleted

...

**Rise and shine!**

**A beautiful day!**

**Baz has left the room all to me!**

_You really despise this Baz don’t you._

**I thot the whole school knew of our rivalry?**

_We are not all fawning over the wonderful adventures of the great chosen one and his nemesis. Some of us want to graduate in peace._

**Who pissed in ur cheerios this morning**

_Stop, Snow._

**Ty? Whats wrong? :(**

_Leave me be._

**Ty? Talk to me**

**Ty**

**Ty.**

**Ill be here when u need me**

**It feels like no one does these days**

_(i need you and I can’t have you. That’s why, simon.)_ message deleted.

...

**Ty? Look, I kno u didnt want to talk to me, and I kno u either hate me or your going thru some shit, but u have to talk to me okay? I miss u.**

_*You’re_

**TY UR BACK TO FIX MY TYPOS YAY CELEBRATE REJOICE MY BABY IS BAAACK**

_I am /not/ your baby!_

**OOOOO EXCLAMATION POINT FANCAY** **  
** _I regret talking to you._

**NO TY BABY COME BACCKKKK**

**I WANNNA TAKL TO UUUU**

_What is it, Simon._

**Penny stilll hasnt found out who u r**

**Can u just, i dont kno, meet up with me, or give me a clue?**

_Simon, we’ve been through this, I can’t._

**Y not**

_You would only be disappointed._

**How do u know! Ty, i like talking to u, ur an arsehole and a rite bloody git, but i care about you, when u wouldnt talk to me i went crazy wondering what happened to u!**

_Only because you probably thought I was off plotting your demise with your ‘posh’ roommate._

**NO TY**

**I missed u a lot and speaking to u w/ screens between us, it just, its not the same**

**I want more**

_(I always want more when it comes to you, Simon)_ message deleted

_Look, Simon. We can never, ever meet, because then you won’t have me anymore. Ty will stop existing._

**That isnt ur real name? U r not ty?**

_No, Simon, I am Ty, but I am also someone else, and if you learn who that someone else is, you’ll lose me._

_I’ll loose you._

**Ur being serioius. A serious Ty makes typos.**

_Oh let it go you bugger._

_But really, let it go, Simon._

_(I love you too much to let you go)_ message deleted

...

Si, give me Ty’s number.

**Y**

Just do it for god’s sake.

**Fine**

**(contact sent)**

Thx

...

Baz.

_Bunce, I see you have figured it out._

Is this some elaborate plan to murder Simon?

_You sound like Snow now._

Answer my question or I’ll rip your fangs out with my bare hands.

_It isn’t. He texted me first, and I care about him. I want to be his friend, even if it is just through texting._

You are lying. I can see right through you, Basil.

U love him.

_Please, Bunce, Penelope, Penny, P, don’t tell him._

_I beg you._

Why should I do you any favors after you’ve treated Si like shit for seven years?

_There isn’t one. All I know is that it would break Simon. He’s been happier now that he has Ty._

But he doesn’t really have him does he.

Why can’t you just become Ty for him. It isn’t too late to change Baz.

_He’d still hate me, Bunce._

_I’m a monster, and we are on different sides of the war. Ty is just the external support he needs. Anyways, it would be even more torturous to have Simon as a friend when every second I want more._

You don’t know Simon, he is obsessed with you, he can’t stop talking about you!

_Fine, I’ll attempt to be nicer to Simon, but I cannot reveal Ty’s true identity. It would ruin Simon._

_Promise you won’t tell him._

Fine, Baz. I swear on a Bunce’s honor.

...

**Hey, guess what happened this morning.**

**It was SO WEIRD.**

_What happened Simon?_

**Baz called me by my first name and he didn’t insult me!**

**I was so shocked, and then he called me a mouth breather and left.**

**Tbh I was kinda relieved.**

_You were relieved he insulted you?_

**Yeah, because it means that he isnt a part of some elaboarte plan to kill me through kindness!**

_Oh, Simon._

_You truly are hopeless._

_Maybe he is just trying to be kind for once, put your years of fighting behind you._

**I wish, dont u thikn ive tried**

_I can see that, but honestly, maybe he had pressure on him?_

**Ooooohhhhh**

**I didnt think of that**

_Of course you didn’t. You never do._

**Ouch, u sound like bazzy**

_/Bazzy/?_

_I dare you to call him that to his face._

**NO**

**HED PROBS DRINK ME DRY**

_Even if he was a vampire, wouldn’t you think if he wanted to kill you, he would have done so already._

_You probably aren’t doing him any favors by being alive if he wanted to kill you._

**TRU**

**Still, he is too damn intimidating to call hima pet name**

_Ooooh pet names? Kinky ;)_

**NOT LIKE THAT U BLOODDY PEVR**

_Only joking Simon._

**Still**

**Im not even gay**

_I am._

...

**Hey**

_I thought you stopped talking to me due to homophobic tendencies._

_Did anything change?_

**Im sorry i just had to process.**

**Also, Baz woke me up nicely when i slept thru my alarm**

**Its nice u kno, a change from all the fighting**

**We called a truce and now we’re friends?**

_Wow, we were speaking of how you completely ignored me after I came out and suddenly the conversation goes back to Baz._

_Am i being replaced?_

**U forgot to capitalize the ‘i’**

**Also, no**

**R u jealoussss ;)**

_No, just wondering if this Baz means something more to you than you let on._

**Penny and I worked thru some stuff after u came out and i decided i am bi**

**It took a while, but i def think baz helped cuz he has been in way too many of my dreams**

...

**Hey ty, update on the baz situation, me and him are almost best of friends**

**Penny i think still doesn’t like him cuz she is always exaspertated and stuf**

_Why should I care about how you and Baz are doing?_

**Because ur my friend, and baz is also my friend, and he is in my life now?**

_You overestimate my interest in our friendship._

**Ty, i don’t understand, y r u doing this?**

_Figure it out._

...

**I couldnt**

**Ty im sry but i dont get it**

_Its fine, I’m sorry. I was in a bad mood, I shouldn’t have treated you that way._

**It kinda sucked cuz baz was moody as well**

**What happened**

_My mother died that day when I was younger._

**I didnt kno my mum, and the mage is kinda my dad, so i guess its not too bad**

_The mage? That man is abusive and cruel to you Simon! How can you even say he is like a father to you! That’s bloody bullshit and you know it._

**Awwwww tyzy wyzy caressss**

_(oh simon, if only you knew)_ message deleted

_And? Aren’t we friends?_

**U riite**

_Baz would say the same._

**He DOES. LIKE ALL THE TIME**

_Then I’m right._

**UGH UR JUST LIKE HIM**

_So I’m guessing everything isn’t a paradise in your friendship?_

**Nooooo, it’s just that, idk, my feeling r confused.**

_Really?_

**Im never sure anymore. I try not to think about him**

_Does that work for you?_

**No, its like trying not to think about an elephant standing on your chest**

_I can’t tell whether or not that is a compliment or an insult?_

**Neither, just an observation**

...

_(location sent)_

...

**TY U LIVE IN MUMMERS HOUSE?**

_Maybe I was just visiting to shag one of your house mates._

**IT WAS 2 IN THE AFTERNONO**

_And? You’re pretty vanilla if you think two in the afternoon is outrageous. ;)_

**UGH TY Y R U LIKE THIS I KNO U LIVE HEREE IN MUMMESR HOUSE**

_Again, you cannot prove that, but I will grant you this, I do live there._

...

**PENNY WHO IN THE MUMMERS DOMR CAN GO BY TY**

I don’t know Simon, you figure it out.

**UGHSUUJNKAIUBJBSJIH U ARE NO HELP P**

...

**AGS HELP ME**

_What is it_

**Can u give me a list of everyone that lives in mummers house that goes by ty**

_I can only think of one person, and that’s Baz, y?_

**Oh, nvm**

...

_Si?_

_What’s wrong?_

...

_Oh, you figured it out, right?_

...

_I’ll levae you be._

...

**Dont text back baz until i say im finished.**

**I just want to get this out, im not good at words but i couldnt care less right now allrite?**

**(rhetoricle)**

**Why, why in the world would you keep your identity hidden, and be conversational and decent, even when we were enemies? Like who tf does that? Was it all some plot to kill me that u backed out on? Y would u start being nice to me in real life if u could have just been nice to me as ty? U hate me ty, baz, whatever. Was this all a joke to u? See how close we can get to snow and then throw him into a mess of confusion, which i know his tiny brain cant handle? Seriously, was this all a game? Y, baz. Y. we r enemies, on opposites sides of a war. U hate me. U. hate. Me.**

_If anything was obvious during me conversations, Simon, is that I do not hate you._

“You couldn’t possibly be farther from the truth,” a voice behind Simon says softly. He turns abruptly and stares at the walking mess before him. Baz’s eyes has deep circles under them, and he is paler than ever before. He is thinner and he looks defeated. His hair still looks bloody perfect.

“Simon Snow. I hate you. I hate you more than my father, than the Mage, than the vampires that turned me and killed my mother. More than this bloody war. I hate you more than these stupid politics and this stupid world. But I could never hate you as much as I hate myself. And there isn’t enough hate in the world that could outshine my love for you. You are the sun, Simon. Even if you didn’t have magick, or you were a freaking merwolf, the world would still revolve around you. You are the hero of every story, the saviour of every life. You saved me, Simon. So many times. I love you, not because you are the Chosen One, but because I choose you. You are everything, and without you, I am nothing but a hollow monster. When we were friends, at least I had the warmth and happiness you radiate to everyone in the room. At least you were close to me, closer than fists and knuckles. Now, I’m afraid I have to lose you, because I’m a coward. I ruined everything, and I am so sorry Simon. I never meant to trick and lie to you. I never meant to make you confused, which is why I am not lying anymore. I love you. I love you Simon fucking Snow, and I have since fifth year. I know every mole on your face and I can count every freckle by memory. Your eyes are the plainest blue but they are my favorite color. Your hair is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life, despite the fact that it will always be messy. I love you. And you don’t need me anymore,” with that, Baz smiles sorrowfully at Simon and turns around quickly, his tears streaming down his grey face.

Simon sits still, processing every word Baz had said to him. Baz was gay, and he loved Simon. He had since fifth year. He liked Simon’s moles, he liked Simons plain eyes and annoying freckles. He even liked Simon’s atrocious hair. And Simon had let him leave their room. Simon runs down the stairs, stumbling and spilling magick everywhere. He can feel the sparks in his skin and in the air he breathes. He chases the lingering smell of cedar and bergamot and the feeling of Baz down into the catacombs, where for once he doesn’t get lost. He is crying and sobbing and laughing all at once. He fights his way through darkness until he himself emits a light brighter than the sun. He is exploding, going supernova, but it is so much better than going off. His heart races inside his chest and his eyes are wide open, searching for what he didn’t even know he had. He loves him. Baz loves Simon, and Simon realized that Baz was it for him, he chose Baz. Unfortunately, his intense display of love calls down his opposite, his real nemesis. And he is hit in the head by a red ball. Simon burns bright, with anger, and not twenty paces away he can see Baz, sobbing and shaking, with a flame in his palm. Baz can’t hear Simon. And Simon can’t reach Baz, because right there in front of Simon, was himself. The Humdrum has come, and he is looking at Simon knowingly. The little boy turns and with the red ball back in his land, he launches it at the vampire, snuffing out his flame. Baz then sees Simon, and he screams. He races towards them and hits an invisible barricade. A void of magick, so powerful, it makes Baz gag and collapse.

“That is the bane of the Chosen One? How pitiful. I thought that blonde princess would have been better,” the Humdrum laughs, and throws the red ball (it keeps coming back to him) up and down, catching it effortlessly.

“I love Baz, he is everything. I choose him over everything else. He is my one and only, and I won’t let you get in the way,” Simon growled. But then it dawned on him, this little boy was his echo. A hole, just waiting to be filled. He glanced at Baz who was choking and burning in the nothingness, his fangs huge in his mouth, his nails drawing blood as he tore at his own skin. Simon started weeping at the pain Baz was in. He turned to the Humdrum again.

“If you want it, then take it. I don’t need it anymore. Just leave me be, just go, take it,” he mumbles over and over again, reaching his arms out. The humdrum reaches out as well and they hold hands, Simon’s magick flowing from his fingertips to the Humdrum. Sparks chase down his arms and the thick, fiery smell of his magick fills his nostrils. The Humdrum flickers on and off, and Simon can feel the star in his chest giving out, flowing away. He remembers an old fairy tale just then, of a dragon guarding a princess that had to be slayed by a knight in shining armor, and he comically thinks of how the dragon would look as himself, and he can feel a burning, but he doesn’t care. Because while everything that made him the Chosen One seeps away, he can only look at Baz, who with each passing moment eases, his fangs retracting, his wounds clearing, his face of agony shifting to only mild discomfort. Simon doesn’t regret his choice, Baz is safe, the World of Mages is safe. He has done his job. If this is the end, at least he got to do the right thing. He suddenly feels the Humdrum no longer, and he falls forward and stops. Baz and Simon lie there, one not breathing, not moving, the other waking up. Baz takes one look and howls, howls so loud the noise cracks the stone walls and makes skulls tumble. He rushes to Simon and lifts him, shaking him, sobbing. He barely notices the giant dragon wings and tail on Simon, because Simon is dead. So very dead and Baz is nothing, nothing without Simon. Simon bloody Snow is gone and Baz is left and the world was nothing anymore. Baz calls his wand and he casts “ **I’d never lived before your love, I’d never felt before your touch, and I never needed anyone to make me feel alive, but then again, I wasn’t really living** ” by Kelly Clarkson. He doesn’t even remember what the song sounds like, but his desperate magick flows right into Simon. For a minute, nothing happens, but then, Simon gasps and sputters. Baz sobs in relief and clutches Simon to his chest, the boys lie there, holding each other. Baz’s spell had only worked because he meant every word, and his need to live brought Simon back, his precious, beautiful Simon. When the Mage and his men, followed by Mitali Bunce and several of the teachers arrive they saw two boys, clutching each other, crying and laughing. After a week of trials with the Coven, the result is definite, the Mage is kicked down for abusing Simon and for suspicious documents found in his office, and Mitali Bunce takes over Watford to please both sides. Simon and Baz don’t care. They have enough problems.

“Baz, did you mean what you said that day?”

“Every word.”

“Can I be your terrible boyfriend?” Baz kisses Simon. Simon lost his magick after the Humdrum incident, but his magick seeps back after a few months, as the holes in the magickal atmosphere do as well. He spells away his wings and tail, even though Baz says he likes them, and they spend their eighth year peaceful and happy. Penny smiles all the time when she gets to talk to Baz about literature, and Agatha joins their group with friendly terms, and Dev and Niall follow, always saying Baz wasted their childhood. Simon and Baz still fight, but this time it always ends with snogging, and they have a whole future ahead of them, so why fight when this is so much better? After all, seducing vampires is Simon’s specialty.


End file.
